Status Report

Many have asked if I'm ok because I haven't written anything for a few days now. Yes, I am. You must remember that I write best when I'm overwhelmed with emotions. And now that I got my act back, I'm able to focus more on other things like work and my social life. I'm actually doing better than expected. A friend told me it's good that I'm not falling apart. Oh, but I did! I did fall apart. Who wouldn't? I just have a great support system who put humpty dumpty back together.

People who know me well know that I think obsessively. And for the past weeks, I have been contemplating on the things happening to my life. Was it my fault? Could I have done anything to prevent it from happening? Am I really mad? And I realized the answers to these questions are all no. Probably, my only fault was trusting too much, being complacent and over-estimating capabilities of others to foresee the consequences of their actions. And nothing in my power could've prevented this from happening. As I've said in one of my first entries, it was bound to happen. As for anger, I really am not mad. Other friends are telling me I should be bitter with all that happened. Yes, sometimes I am. But since I've been in the other side of the coin at some point in my life, I understand how it feels too. I know that it never was the intention to hurt someone else. But then again, you allowed for it to happen so... that's what you get when you let your heart win (whoooaaaa). I strongly suggest to use your brain as well sometimes.

My prayer these days is not for them to fall into a manhole (just trying to be funny), but for no one to feel what I'm feeling. I pray that everyone's happy. That this won't happen AGAIN (if you know what I mean..). Because no one deserves to feel this kind of pain. I've forgiven, but it's too hard to forget just yet. My prayers have been working wonders for me these past few weeks and I know it will continue to sustain me and hopefully everyone else in the future. Hopefully, this is the last entry on this topic. But who knows, right? :P It's like I'm in a precipice and any gush of wind will send me crashing back down. But I'll be optimistic for a change. Let's not feel sad for me already. Let's not hurt for me. Time to move on for real :D