Happiness is a choice, love is a commitment.

First was fear that my instincts were correct. Then came the denial. Then the shortness of breath, the shaking of the hands, and then the tears waiting to pour like water in a dam with leaks. I should've known. It was a time bomb waiting to explode. And explode it did.

I always thought that stuff like this only happens in movies and soaps. But almost all of us, me included, forget that those stories are reflections of life's realities. The actors cry buckets of tears. And so do the humans.

Does it hurt? Hurt is an understatement. The physical pain associated with it is NOTHING compared to the pain the heart -- and the soul -- are feeling. In loving, you submit yourself not to the possibility of getting hurt but to the assurance that you will get hurt. There are no possibilities. Only assurances.

Am I ok? Yes, but of course I've known better times. You cannot take away from me my grateful heart. And I thank the Lord every time I wake up for the glorious life he has planned out for me. I stumble, often times on people's feet they (un)consciously stick out before me and I fall flat on the floor sometimes... but at the end of the day I get up and know that the best is yet to come.

"For I know the plans that I have for you, declares the LORD. They are plans for peace and not disaster, plans to give you a future filled with hope." -- Jeremiah 29:11

Am I angry? I'd be a hypocrite if I say I didn't feel angry. But anger will just make my shoulders hurt even more. So instead of feeling angry, I focus on the good vibes. I am thankful that the bomb exploded now while there's still so much to save and evacuate. I choose to be happy. Someone I know used to tell me that happiness is a choice, and for that nugget of wisdom I am thankful to him. I choose to be happy and stay happy despite the disastrous circumstances I'm in.

I write not to ask for sympathy. I write to heal. And the healing starts now.