Flatline

We all have those phases when days and weeks pass, and we feel as if we just slept through it. You're not sad. Not depressed. Happy, but not on fire. Just... Flatlined.

I've been praying for a spike. Not enough is happening. The words are not even flowing as freely as before.

But tonight, it was like taking the shower early in the morning, and once the water hits you you're suddenly wide awake because you forgot to turn the heater on. The last song sung tonight:

You are my glorious prize Father
You are the passion that fills my life
My treasure of treasures
A wealth without measure to me
And you'll always be the prize of my life.

...To hear your voice, to know Your heart
Is my burning desire

The heartbeat's back.

Stiff-necked

Having a stiff neck is a very irritating feeling. Crossing the street becomes a deadlier task (it's already a deadly task in Manila) because just to make sure you don't get hit by our friendly and law-abiding jeepney drivers, you have to twist your whole torso to the left or to the right. Worse, picture-taking becomes a torturing ordeal as you try to painfully pose in "your" angle. While smiling and enduring the pain, you imagine whacking yourself on the head for sleeping in the same position the whole night.

Yet, most of us don't realize there's a worse (probably the worst) kind of stiff-neck than the physical stiff-neck -- the "spiritual" stiff-neck. We do the same things over and over again: we lie, we cheat, we steal, we live for ourselves, we live as if there are no eternal consequences to our present actions, and we refuse to be corrected. We've become so used to our way of living that we become stiff-necked people and resist any attempts to revert to how God has originally designed our lives to be.

Eventually, we'll feel the highest point of the pain. The sad part is some of us have become immune to their own vileness that it has become normal to them. And they choose to live with it. And they'll never know the peace, the joy, the satisfaction, the comfort and the real freedom that comes with living the way God has planned for lives.

Don't be stiff-necked people. Acts 7:51.

For Catholics.

His name has become a household name. A curse word. An expression you say when you get surprised, or when you get mad.

The week to celebrate His Passion has become just a "long weekend" for us. To celebrate his death anniversary, we go to the beach and frolic in the sun.

Becoming a proper Catholic means giving up something we enjoy for 40 days... "something" being Coke, coffee, chocolates, criticizing other people's clothes and makeup, and then resume the habit after Easter. A proper Catholic means attending all the Holy week activities, going to Easter vigils, and then fall asleep during the homily.

Have you ever experienced hitting your elbow on the edge of a chair and you feel that sharp pain shoot across your forearms? Magnify that pain a million times. That's how it feels to have your wrist nailed to a cross. Imagine that searing pain on all your limbs. Not to mention the fact that you're extremely dehydrated, weak from all the blood loss, and whatever movement you make sends all kinds of pain throughout your body that you don't know anymore which is the most painful.

Now, here's the thing. Jesus knew He was going to die. He knew He will be crucified -- the death penalty reserved for the lowest of the low that the Romans even spared their own citizens from enduring such a mortifying death. Jesus was agonizing in the garden, sweating blood, because He knew what was going to happen. The word "agony" was even invented just to attempt to describe what Jesus went through. I don't know about you but I don't think I'm willing to suffer death by crucifixion just so a stranger can be saved from eternal damnation.

Thank God I'm not God. And thank God that He knows me, and He loves me, and He went through all the unimaginable shame and pain to pay a debt I can't pay by myself no matter how long I worked or how hard I tried.

He paid for you, too. He knows you, He loves you, and He went through unimaginable shame and pain, for you, too.

It's never too late to come back. It's never too late to believe. Every week can be Holy Week, every Friday can be Good Friday, and everyday can be Resurrection Day. It's never too late to celebrate the real meaning, the essence, of the Passion of Christ.

Let's all live a life that's worthy of the sacrifice He made. Happy Easter! :)

Moments of clarity

Sometimes, I just can't see the point why I'm here. I can't see the big picture. I desperately want to have a glimpse of the future just so I can be confident that I'm really meant to be here at this place at this precise point in time. I ask for signs, for confirmation, that there's a deeper reason why I'm here, even if I personally think it's a waste of time. I try to dig my own tunnel and find ways to escape but always seem to crawl into dead ends. I pray that He grants my requests, that He gives me what I've been asking for. After all, He was the one who said to "ask" and "you shall receive", right?

However, James 4:3 says "When you pray for things, you don't get them because you want them for the wrong reason-for your own pleasure." And to drill the message deeper into my heart, he adds in 1 John 5:14 "This is the confidence which we have before Him, that, if we ask anything according to His will, He hears us" Ok fine :P If God could, he would've whacked my head already for being so stubborn.

Patience has never been my best asset. In fact, it's my least practiced virtue in life. I don't like the waiting, the anxiety of not knowing what's going to happen and when it's going to happen if it's going to happen. But after much thought, after much prayer, after much Bible studies and devotion time, after much consulting with more mature people, I've realized God's message is very simple.

Trust in the Lord with all your heart; do not depend on your own understanding. Seek His will in all you do, and he will show you which path to take. - Proverbs 3: 5-6

I don't know which Bible version these verses were taken from, but I'm sure this is the best translation yet. I'm declaring that God's will will prevail in my life. And that is my moment of clarity.

For the atheist

I rarely write book reviews since I find it redundant with the synopses and praises found on book covers. Nor do I openly challenge people who don't believe in God in a debate about His existence for fear that I might end up being the one converted to atheism. But, after reading Lee Strobel's Case for Christ, I felt compelled and inspired to do so.

Written from the point of view of an atheist, the book courageously questions the foundations of Christianity. Does God exist? Is Jesus really the Son of God? Is the Bible really written by inspired individuals or is just fanfiction of ancient times? Did Jesus really resurrect from the dead? Was Jesus crazy (in the real sense of the word) when He claimed to be the Messiah prophesied from the Old Testament? These are just some of the questions answered by scholars, historians, theologians, and other experts interviewed in the book. And their answers are based on facts backed up by solid evidence.

So, for the atheist (and for those skeptical about the Christian faith or those who are dabbling with New Age or other religions), I challenge you to pick up the book and investigate the Case for Christ yourself. You've got nothing to lose, anyway (just 300pesos if you're buying the book from NB). But you've got a whole lot to gain. If you examine the claims of Christ critically, but with an open mind, you'll find that there's more than enough evidence to believe it.

As for me, I agree with the author that: with the amount of evidence available for the case for Christ, it would take more faith to maintain atheism than to trust Jesus of Nazareth. Are you up to the challenge? :P

Harry Potter and The Vatican

They're friends now.

After the Pope has finally approved of the upcoming movie Harry Potter and the Half-blood Prince, my mom and her brothers and sisters can now breathe a big sigh of relief that their daughters are not being brainwashed after all by J.K. Rowling's witches and wizards. Don't believe me? Read this.

If you're part of the minority group who don't know who Harry Potter, J.K. Rowling, and the Catholic Church is (and the way they don't blend together like oil and water no matter how hard you try to mix them), here's a brief explanation (at least from my point of view, just correct me if I'm wrong): the Catholic Church thinks that the books lure its readers into witchcraft and sorcery thereby putting in danger their soul and their belief in God. And if you're also part of a deeply religious family who values and respects what the Catholic Church says, this is a touchy subject. My sister and I love the Harry Potter series, and we had a relatively hard time justifying with our parents (and titos and titas) that we were already "spiritually mature" to handle the books. Nevertheless, my sister still had to give away her collection of books as "compromise".

This has got me thinking... if only the Vatican had read the complete series and realize that the whole story actually highlights the power of love and family and how good will always defeat evil in the end, then they could've saved our parents from the sleepless nights worrying that their children are already resorting to magic spells and incantations to get what they want (Accio car keys!). Right? Kidding aside, I admit that the books are of course subject to all kinds of interpretation depending on the reader. And it might pose some unwanted effects if perceived in a different way. But for me, I'll go by my rule of thumb: if it compels me to demean, hurt, or offend anyone, including God, then there must be something wrong with it. It suffices to say that even after reading all seven books, I still love God, my family, and my friends :D And I love Harry Potter. (Haha, labo :p)

True Love

I just wanted to share with everyone a text lifted from a book I'm currently reading. When I'm done with the whole book, I promise to write about it. I'm not even halfway, but my views and thoughts on love and relationships have radically changed already. How I wish I read this way before. I could've spared myself from all the hurt and disappointments. But then again, God has His own purposes and plans. He makes all things beautiful, in His time... and I'm on my way to being Ms. Universe :D

"...love is under our control. He chose to love us. He chose to lay down His life for us. The danger of believing that you "fall in love" is that it also means you can "fall out of love" just as unexpectedly. Aren't you glad God's love for us isn't as unpredictable? Aren't you thankful that God's love is under His control and not based on whim? We need to throw out the misconception that love is some strange "force" that tosses us around against our will like leaves in the wind. We cannot justify doing what is wrong by saying that love grabbed hold of us and "made" us behave irresponsibly. That's not love. Instead, it's what the Bible calls in 1 Thessalonians 4:5 "passionate lust". We express true love in obedience to God and service to others -- not reckless or selfish behavior -- and we choose these behaviors." --Joshua Harris

Amen.

Taboo

This one's a delicate topic, and I'm thankful that Bo (we're tight :P) wrote a piece on it. I have nothing else to add so click away

This is a bold move I'm going to make, but I'm making it anyway.

Let's set the bar high. I am committing to the yoke of purity. Period. No erase.

Change is GREAT!!!

Change #1
For people who know me, they know that I'm not productive in the morning. DEFINITELY not a morning person (thank God for flexi time). During the past weekends, however, I've been waking up even before the sun rises to prepare for the day's events. A few months ago, weekends would mean sleeping in until manang wakes me up for a late lunch. Now, I realize the day is even better when you've spent more waking hours in it.

Change #2
I've spent the last few years enjoying all the happiness and pleasures the world has to offer. After the LSE and K-Con, I realize that happiness in the Spirit is sooooo sooooooooo much better!!! I thought I wouldn't be able to give up a certain addiction... but miraculously, I'm not even feeling any urge or desire for it now. Wooooohooooo!!!! I know I still have a long way to go, but God's grace has never failed me so I have no worries for the days ahead :D I know now that nothing compares to the highness in the Spirit :D

Change #3
My passion to write has intensified even more!!! I used to write when I was younger, but that doesn't compare to how I write and what I write about now. It's like a dam of thoughts and emotions has been opened up and the words just flow from the heart to the pen. :D I realize I have a passion after all (I used to think my passion was shopping. It still is, but writing is so much cheaper. Goodness... you should see my credit card bills. I'm feeling the aftershock of the depression. ANYWAY...). I love to write what I think (I love it more than writing Java/JS code). I've finally found my passion :)

Change #4
A few months ago, being sad would mean infinite mood swings, a raised eyebrow, eyebags, and a sour face. Someone I knew used to say to me that happiness is a choice, and I can always control my emotions. I heard what he said, but I realize now that somehow, a part of me didn't believe him. Now, I've proven that happiness is really a matter of choice. You decide to be happy [not despite of or in spite of but] with your problems. Whatever circumstances you're in, you can choose to be happy. Even the heavens decided to be happy for me :D I love you, Papa. Thanks :D Anyway, I've noticed that when you have a happy heart (meaning you're truly happy and not just putting on a show), it will absolutely reflect in your disposition. Ang ganda ko ngayon! Hahahaha :D

These are just some of the changes I've noticed in myself these past few months. I can't list them all down since nobody wants to read a long blog (and this is long enough already). Hehe! I have a disclaimer, though. I write these not to show off what a great person I am (but I really am... haha!), but to be a living example that we can rise from whatever pit we are in. I want to be an inspiration for others that the best is always yet to come and God never fails you :) Heaven and earth will fade, but His words will remain. He can make something BEAUTIFUL out of your life (I'm ready to sing now... hahaha!) :D When you start living by faith, you don't receive a drizzle of blessings. You get a heavy downpour. :D

Superblessed!!!

Week after week after week, I've been feeding my spirit and soul with God's love. Wooooohoooooo!!!! The seed has been planted years and years ago, and after a long period of dryness, it was watered again when I started with the Singles Encounter. Then with the Family Encounter. Then with the Life in the Spirit Experience. Then with the Kerygma Conference. Then with the Katinas concert. I am just outpouring with love and happiness and joy and peace and everything great that I just have to share it with you all. Wooooooooooohoooooot!!!! :) When the time comes that I'll get hurt again, looking back and reading this entry will remind me that the sorrow only lasts for a night and joy comes in the morning :D So many things have changed since October, and I am sooooooo grateful that things happened. Physically, I changed a bit... hehehe :D But the big difference is how changed I am inside.

Over the past weeks, I've learned that everybody encounters trials at several points in their lives, and it breaks them to pieces. I won't even begin to tell you the many ways of how broken I am. Let's skip the drama for the meantime :D I am so overflowing with happiness that I can't subdue myself to talk about sad stuff. :D So going back... EVERYBODY IS BROKEN. Everybody has lost a loved one to death or someone else, everybody got hurt, everybody has hurt someone else, everybody has done something... bad. But, broken as we are, that doesn't give us the license to feel depression and self-pity. Even if God isn't responsible for the situations we're experiencing, He is with us through the experience. When I thought that my world was crashing down, it was in Him that I found comfort and peace. I will go through more pain in my lifetime (I'm betting my friend's paycheck on that), but God is with me through it all and that makes ALL the difference.

Tomorrow will be another day full of God's surprises, and everytime I'll wake up, I'll remember to thank Him for all the great things He has blessed me with. I am super duper excited for this new life I will be living. Miracles are about to happen to me, and I pray that I can be a miracle for someone else, too :D He gives and takes away, but my heart will choose to bless His holy name forever :D Let's live a happy and meaningful life :D Woooooooooot!!!!!

Overflowing :D

So many thoughts are running through my mind right now and all of them are happy ones :D For the past months, everybody [who's in my circle] knows that I went through tough times. The weight of all the relationships (take note, plural ito) gone awry was just really difficult to handle. But right now... as in RIGHT NOW... I'm experiencing incredible peace and joy and happiness. :D It feels so light having surrendered everything to Him. I am overflowing with love and happiness. WOOOOHOOOOOOOT! :D For every tear that I shed and for every depressing memory and thought that crossed my mind, God has replaced it with laughter and peace of mind. :D

Delight yourself in the LORD, and he will give you the desires of your heart --Ps 37:4

Happy :)

I just had one of the best weekends of my life :) It was just... W-O-W. I have never felt so loved by God, family, friends, and friends of family :) I praise the Lord for what just happened. It's like an artery was unclogged in my heart, and a smile is forever glued to my face. :D This is what happy means. :D

And as for the rest of my life, here is what I intend to do:

Be always humble, gentle, and patient. Show your love by being tolerant with one another. Get rid of all bitterness, passion, and anger. No more shouting or insults, no more hateful feelings of any sort. Instead, be kind and tender-hearted to one another, and forgive one another, as God has forgiven you through Christ. -- Ephesians 4: 2, 31-32

It's cliche but when you slammed the front door shut, a lot of others opened up. Thank you :)

Awaken the Miracle in YOU

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What can you expect from the Conference?

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- Worship experience that provides respite from today’s hurried pace that will rekindle the fire in your spiritual life;
- A chance to receive God’s healing touch through our guest healing minister;
- And who knows, God may be cooking up a personal surprise for you through the Conference!

So what are you waiting for? Click here now to register!

SEE YOU THERE!!!!! :D

God's Plan

Human eyes and human minds will always see and think of things differently as God does. We always say that things happen for a reason and it's "God's plan" for us. When we fall down the stairs, we'll justify that it was God's plan for us so we'll know next time not to text while going down a flight of stairs so we won't miss a step. When we fail an exam, we'll think that it was God's plan for us so we'll study harder next time. When we lose someone, we'll convince ourselves that it's God's plan for us so we can move on to someone better.

But, after a few heartfelt conversations with wiser people, Bible reading, and prayers, I understand now that God doesn't intend for us to get hurt in any way. No sadistic parent would want that for their child. It's not in His plan for us to hurt people intentionally or unintentionally. It's not in His plan for us to get hurt. It is the consequences of the choices we pursue and the decisions we make, as humans, that hurt us. Free will does that to us. The miracle, however, is that God is able to use these circumstances, these "wrong" decisions, to His [and eventually our] advantage. We learn from experience. We get more attuned to His voice. So, the next time we're faced with similar situations, we're able to discern properly what to do.

So, the next time we fall down the stairs, hurt someone, or get hurt, it's not necessarily what God wants for us. Have faith however that:

All things work together for good to those who love God --Romans 8:28

Singles For Christ

Yes, I'm talking about the real phrase SFC stands for. Disclaimer though... I'm not really part of SFC but our community doesn't really have much difference from it... just the name. Since birth, I've been part of a charismatic community because my parents forced me. At least, that was when I was younger. Now, I choose to belong.

Many of my friends have asked me why I attend meetings, why I choose to belong, when in fact "community" is just a front for socializing and networking, and God is just a sideline. At some degree, they're right. It's just a venue for meeting people, finding friends, and most of the time lifetime partners (I could go on with all the types of relationships you can form in community but I'll have to stop here because that will need another blog entry, but I really don't want to write about it. ANYWAY...). Yes, we do socialize. And sometimes we get carried away with the socializing (wink wink). But personally, I think serving God with people who share the same beliefs and values as you do is the main point of community.

People always think that those who attend prayer meetings are all holy and blameless and shielded from the world's cruelties and pain. SO TOTALLY WRONG. Look at me! Haha! I still sin. I still think mean things. I still have my b*tch moments. I flare up when I'm angry. My left eyebrow rises involuntarily at the sight and presence of certain people. I get depressed when I get hurt. But the difference now is -- I have friends who help me bounce back. I have older and wiser friends who can minister and disciple because they've been through similar events and God has used them as living examples that His plans always work in the end. I have people praying for me.

We're not perfect. We still go through the good and the bad. But being in community makes the bad bearable (and eventually something good), and the good even more joyous. No community is perfect. It's made up of people, and people falter most of the time. But the purpose of being in community -- to serve God and to evangelize -- makes it worthwhile. The victories outnumber the failures most of the time, too.

Just off the top of my head

God is a good God, and He did not create the world evil. I just heard from a talk I attended tonight that people are inherently good since we are made in God's likeness. I agree. Evil therefore comes out because of our weaknesses. But, God has promised that in our weakness, He is made strong. So, that means we still have the capability to turn something evil into something good IF we let go and let God.

Expand!

The blessings of the Lord is commensurate to how much you can take.

If only most people would realize that self-worth is as important as bank accounts, we'd be saving the world from a lot of poverty. Yeah, it sounds too ideal.. too theoretical. But you have to admit, if we just thought more highly of ourselves, life can be a whole lot better.

I just came from a short talk by Alvin Barcelona on financial literacy (yeehhheesss... hahaha) and he said one of the top reasons why most Filipinos are poor is because they don't think they can ever be rich. How sad. But true. Perfect example is our household helper.. manang. I was cooking pasta a few weekends ago and I offered her a portion. She politely refused kase pang mayaman lang ang spagiti (spaghetti is only for the rich). If I didn't know manang well enough, I'd say she's just making up an excuse so she won't have to eat what I cooked. But, that's not the case. Promise. The pasta I cooked only had tomatoes (canned) and mushrooms and spices (from mom's pantry). Total cost: ~200Php Servings: ~4 so that makes it ~50Php per serving. I know food preference doesn't exactly determine financial wealth. What I'm highlighting here is the mentality. If you think you don't deserve something being given to you, regardless if the Giver thinks you deserve it, then it won't be given to you. Simple as that. Mom had an extra serving of pasta that weekend.

I still have hopes for manang that she'll be rich, too, someday. I have a long way to go in my personal mission to help her, and my first step is to make her realize that food isn't categorized (like humans in society) into food for the rich and food for the poor. It's just a matter of preference. And as for you and me, let's learn to expand. Expand our borders, our territories, our responsibilities, and our spiritual vessels so we can accommodate all the good great things we deserve.

For to everyone who has, more shall be given, and he will have an abundance; but from the one who does not have, even what he does have shall be taken away. --Mt 25:29

The Shack

Mack lost his daughter Missy during a camping trip, and found her bloody dress in a rundown shack miles away from their camp site after several days of searching. Authorities never found her body nor her killer. A few years later, he receives a note apparently from God, inviting him to go back to the shack and spend the weekend with Him. Mack thought it was either a bad joke being played on him, or it really was God inviting him. Out of curiousity, he went on the trip expecting the worst.

If I could spend a weekend with God, how will I spend it? I mean.. should I ask Him the questions that humanity has been asking since the dawn of time: why does he allow bad things happen to good people, am I really going to be punished for all the times I lied, what happens to those people who don't believe in Him, which religion should I believe in? What should I expect him to look like? Will he be like Zeus in Disney's Hercules? Or will he look like Gandalf in Lord of the Rings? Is he really old-looking? What does heaven look like? Is it really guarded by a golden gate? Is it really up in the clouds?

Growing up, I've been raised a Catholic and I've been "programmed" to follow Catholic principles. Follow the commandments. Never miss mass on Sundays. Don't fall asleep during the homily. Love God with all your heart. Be nice to your sister. Be charitable to the less fortunate. Pray. Be afraid of the Lord because He punishes those who don't follow Him. Be good. Abhor evil. Not only that, my childhood and growing years were flooded with religious stereotypes. Cartoons and movies depicted God as an old guy with white robes and long gray hair and a loud booming voice, and heaven is a golden city up on the clouds.

After reading The Shack, it's like I've been reformatted and booted up with a new system, a new outlook and thinking. All the things I thought were true and righteous were debunked, and were replaced by new beliefs and values. Like Mack, my view of God changed into a deeper, more personal level. He doesn't look like Zeus after all :P And heaven isn't made of gold. It's amazing how many realizations were made and how many ideologies and theories were challenged and proven self-righteous in a few hundred pages. Being religious doesn't necessarily mean being faithful. Being good in our eyes does not necessarily mean being good in God's eyes. If there is one fictional book that you'll have to read for the month, grab The Shack (Yes, this is higher than Twilight in my list of favorites.). If it doesn't change how you look at humanity and how you view God and your relationship with Him, let me know. I'll have to treat you to a retreat and a session with a counselor or something. Haha!

Grace for free

I was reading my daily dose of reflections from Didache, and it struck a raw nerve so I felt compelled to share it with you.

Though seeing, they do not see; though hearing, they do not hear or understand.
Matthew 13:13

Hugh Hefner, the flamboyant founder of the Playboy porn empire, will never understand what faithfulness in marriage means even after reading 300,000 books on the subject. At the age of 80, he currently has three hot blondes sharing his bed as his stay-in concubines. (He used to have seven but he decided to downsize.)
A Filipino actor-turned-politician who boasts of his record of 86 children from different women, will never understand the Christian Parenting seminar being taught in the church across the street where he lives.
A BIR officer of the country, whose pocket is padded from under the table deals will never understand a sermon on honesty. Why? Not because the ideas are too complex. Even children know how to explain faithfulness, responsibility and honesty. Truth is, understanding brings guilt. Understanding requires repentance as a response. This is the part they dont like. Sin blinds the eyes, plugs the ears and dulls understanding.
Two things can make you understand: Gods mercy or His judgment. Choose His mercy now! You might not like His judgment if its too late. --Jon Escoto

It simply is the truth. Even though God's forgiveness and grace is just within our reach, we choose (subconsciously in most cases) not to receive it because that means acknowledging our worldliness and letting go of the things we enjoy that are not necessarily pleasing to God's eyes.

Something serious to post for a change :D